“You just think so,” “I was joking.” You don’t understand jokes? ”,“ You came up with everything. There was no such thing. ” If you are constantly being told that you are wrong, that the reality is not at all what you see it to be, you are most of the victim of gaslighting. How to detect it and how to resist it – read in our article.
Gaslighting is a fairly new term in modern psychology. This is a type of psychological violence that is very difficult to notice if you are a victim of it. You are more likely to begin to doubt yourself, your adequacy, than to suspect a loved one that he is treating you unecologically. A gas writer usually pursues his own gains when he manipulates you. Either keep you close and have power over you, or hide some truth from your life, and so on.
How to learn to recognize gaslighting?
This is probably the most difficult, but also the most important step towards change. Even if the gas writer is the closest person to you and in principle, he does not wish you harm – his main task – to do as he sees fit. He is not thinking about you at this moment. In order not to fall into this trap, it is necessary to understand what techniques gaslights use.
The gas writer often uses phrases that question your emotions and feelings: “You made it up,” “You’re exaggerating,” “You take everything too close to heart,” “You’re dramatizing,” “Are you crazy?”
Track changes in your behavior.
For example, you used to defend your opinion, but you start to avoid conflicts with this person and succumb to his influence. It also happens that the gas writer starts to destroy your self-esteem: you become insecure, believe that you are a terrible / aggressive / weak person, or agree that you are to blame for everything.
Keep a personal diary.
This will help you better understand your feelings and thoughts. When you record your reactions to the interaction with the gas writer, it will help not to devalue them, but to accept reality.
Try talking to your partner.
A gas writer is not always a psychopath or an abuser. Often a person just wants to avoid responsibility or absolve himself of guilt for something. And he does it unconsciously, without even noticing that he is harming it. Talk to a gaslighter. Tell us what it looks like on your part. Often a person in this case begins to monitor their own behavior and work on themselves.
Gather evidence.
If an adequate dialogue with the gas writer is not possible, or he refuses to believe what is happening, try to record his words on a dictaphone, or record it on video. Witness conversations can also help. That there was someone third, not involved in the situation and able to show the reality of the gas writer that he really does, and it really has a negative effect on a loved one.
Believe only in yourself.
In a relationship with a gas writer, it is very important to maintain common sense and analytical thinking. Yes, your truth is different from what they are trying to tell you. But why is your truth not entitled to life, and the truth of the gas writer is one hundred percent true? The task of a gas writer is to make you believe in your own inadequacy. Then you can be manipulated. Have the courage to resist this. Nobody will do it for you.
Understand why you chose a gas writer to communicate with.
Maybe it’s your friend, or partner, or boss. Why do you keep in touch? In a dependent relationship, there is not only an abuser, but also a victim who becomes an object that can be manipulated. This is often not the first relationship in which a person is a victim. Why do you make such a choice? Maybe one of your parents did the same to you? And you lose the children’s script in adulthood? A good reason to start personal psychotherapy is to find out and break the cycle of violence.
Remember, no matter how much you love a person, no matter how valuable they are to you, psychological violence is unacceptable. This is a signal that forces you to reconsider the relationship. And if the gas writer flatly refuses to take responsibility for its actions, do you want to continue to be the object of manipulation in this relationship?